Skinny Dipping Among Snapping Turtles

We were driving around late at night looking for something to do when one of us I forget who said hey let's go skinny dipping in the pond an idea met with derision until it became a challenge: what are you afraid Snapper's gonna bite off your boyhood and render you a virgin forever? Snapper being the giant snapping turtle rumored to have been living in the pond since the last ice age and the reason why neighborhood cats mysteriously disappeared from time to time. So we ended up at the pond in the dark and one by one as the bullfrogs drummed we shed our clothes and trudged into the water pale as ghosts and started to swim something hard to do with all the pond scum and water weeds and other stuff you bump into when swimming in a pond. The goal was to swim from one side to the other back and forth until the challenge wore off so that's what we did and it was rough going except for the stretch in the middle where all the scummy stuff slipped away and you were really swimming but that was when you most feared the jaws rushing up from below and I wondered why on earth we were doing this: what would happen if Snapper mistook my thing for a nightcrawler and how would I explain that to my parents? Sorry Mom your grandchildren are in the belly of a snapping turtle at the bottom of the pond, I'm sure I would have named one of them after you or Dad at least their middle names would be yours like you did for me. None of the others seemed to worry about this at least you couldn't tell from all the commotion like when someone said ooh something went up my butt and we started laughing nervously at first and then we all exploded not so much with laughter but the howling of wild things crawling through warm water sixteen years old and naked with scummy things between their toes and no reason to get up early the next day for it would be a Saturday. I guess we were pretty loud because a light swept over the pond and someone boomed what are you boys doing and we ducked our heads in the amoeba-rich water terrified at the prospect of a trip downtown in a squad car our bodies coated in smelly mud and then we saw three slight shapes shining a flashlight at us and the shapes started laughing like girls and the cops became Jessica and her friends and fear turned to relief until it hit me that they might steal our clothes like in a movie but they didn't in fact the next minute they were stripping down and leaping in I guess like us figuring they had nothing to lose.