Generation Gap

This year because of all the hullabaloo we had to do something different with students' end-of-term speeches and decided they could either a) record their speeches at home and bring in the video for everyone to watch silently in class or b) perform their speeches live wearing a mask and within the safety bubbles specially prepared for those of us who have to do public speaking like teachers and animal trainers. Every single student chose to do the video and at first I thought man is this going to be a drag having all these kids sitting there quietly and watching themselves on the screen giving pre-recorded speeches on topics like the environment and the electoral college and The Importance of Carrots to Geopolitical Stability. It turns out it wasn't a drag at all at least not to the kids who were used to watching themselves on various apps and everyone watched with a benign smile as each student solved the world's problems with wit and humor in four to five PowerPoint slides while I stood up front in my bubble providing the canned laughter.  

Natural Targets

The turtles in this bay have distinct patterns on their backs, red and white concentric circles which when viewed from above look a lot like targets. Every day they rise from the coral cathedrals to steal a breath of air among the destroyers and cruisers that frequent these waters as attack-bombers roar down from the blue. In that moment they are vulnerable, yet as far as we on the shore know not once has one of these turtles been used for target practice which is either an oversight or an amazing act of restraint on the part of the powers. These turtles may live well over a century, with shells as wide as manta rays and hearts beating only three times per minute. They must be as tempting to the warcraft as these calm waters, as these islands.   

Emergency Brake

Clark Kent was out driving with his son going down a slope when he saw the lane they were in was coming to an end due to some road work ahead so he pulled into the next lane but the cars ahead were stopped as he bore down upon them going too fast and he hit the brake but it was too late and just as he was going to hit the car ahead he slammed his foot down breaking through the floor and hitting the road and the car slammed to a stop without bumping the car ahead. Sorry son he said repairing the hole in the floor with his eye lasers as his son frowned saying Dad you should really be more careful you're not maintaining adequate stopping distance and Clark said you're right son you're right though privately he was longing for the days when his son would have just said wow Dad I want to be like you.  

Wishful Thinking

I'm in a hotel room watching a football game when I wonder why am I watching a football game and come to think of it what am I doing in this hotel room and I get up and step into the hall where there are room service trays with silver bowls full of lobster shells next to every door except mine and I think oh goody I've always wanted to have lobster alone in a hotel room so I go back in thinking I'll stay and wait for my meal which must be coming soon and flop on the bed and flip through the channels for something more interesting than football but everything else is either excessively dramatic or mundane beyond words so I return to the game and find comfort in all the talk about things I don't understand and couldn't care less about but there is something about it that seems perfectly fair in this unfair world with these players in red taking on the players in black like the ant battles I used to watch on the playground while the other kids played football and I think this is it at long last I'm going to figure out the rules and get into the game like a true man and I watch the ants scramble waiting for the whistle to blow.     

Lunar Inspiration

My son had just gone to bed and called me Dad come here and I went in thinking he wanted some water but he was standing by the window gazing up and without looking at me he said Dad look at the moon it has a hole in it and I said what and looked up at the moon which was full and bright filling his room with a chalky light and sure enough there was a tiny hole towards the bottom and to the left. Well how about that I thought was that always there and I just never noticed it or is it something new a thought I'm having more often these days but my son was thinking about something else: Dad he said is that hole like the missing scale in the neck of Smaug the Dragon or the thermal exhaust port on the Death Star and if someone fires an arrow or a proton torpedo straight into the hole the moon will blow up? Well I hardly think so I said it's probably just a trick of light making a shadow that looks like a hole but it isn't really a hole like when they found a face on Mars that turned out to be nothing but shadows. Are you sure he asked; sure I'm sure I said. Okay he said and climbed into bed confident that the moon was in no imminent danger. I didn't share his relief and watched the moon thinking the hole might go away but it became a bit more prominent and it hit me there must be people all over the world watching this getting all sorts of crazy ideas.  

Upon Reflection

We were out hiking and came to a gorge where the stream became a picturesque waterfall and I said oh look this is a great place for a selfie but she said oh no I don't do that kind of thing and I said come on we can pretend we're young and we huddled together my arm over her shoulder as the other held up the phone but as I tried to center us I could only see myself with one arm draped over empty space and I thought hey what's going on and moved the phone left and right and up and down but no matter what I tried there was only me and she said I'm sorry Todd I meant to tell you at some point and looked up with eyes like ice and that was when I knew she was a vampire. Hold on I said how can this be true when we're out under the sun and she said there are pills to protect us now that we have our own pharmacies and I said oh well I guess there were warning signs like when you recoiled as the waiter brought the garlic bread and the way religious symbols make you hiss but I guess I was just so into you that I overlooked those things but hey I'm only human. Anyway I asked what happens now and she said now I bite your neck and you will have to decide whether you choose to be my undying partner to stalk the living until the sun expands and sets the earth aflame or you decline and I take your blood to satisfy my hunger and leave your pale corpse under the poison ivy. Either way you bite me first and she said yes that's how it goes and her lips curled revealing serpentine fangs that rose up towards my neck just as I snapped the picture capturing my last moment as a living human being capable of reflection.

Off Ramp

Waking before dawn to relieve

your bladder and then trying to 

get back to sleep is like slipping

off the turnpike to make a pit 

stop whereupon you return to

your car and follow the white

arrows looking for the ramp but 

the ramp is gone and there is

the turnpike elevated above 

the earth and you can just

make out the backs of trucks

hauling cargo to a vanishing

point and there you are in

the parking lot going around

and around hungry for donuts.